She's ninety and it's hard for her to see. Glaucoma has made her world blurry and the only way she can look at her gossip magazines is with a lighted magnifying glass. The glass can't help her to read though, those days are over.
Her nails bother her and the kids joke that she shouldn't let me near them - I cut everything too short. But she does want me near them and she asks if I will trim them for her. I'm nervous about this, the last thing I want to do is injure her and I don't have my reading glasses with me. I'm at the stage where I can still read my watch and a menu without glasses, but I won't sign a contract without them and I probably shouldn't pull out splinters or go after eyelashes unless they're on. I really should start to carry them with me.
Glasses or no, she wants me to help her, and I can't say no. I pick up her cosmetics bag and find her nail trimmer and nail file. "Do I have an emery board?" she asks doubtfully. Yes, sweetie, I've got it.
I gently pick up one hand and cut the end of the nail, careful not too cut it too short. She tests the length against another finger, then her cheek. "That's perfect." Carefully, slowly, I cut and file the rest of them.
Together we examine the polish and decide her nail color is still pretty - no need to repaint. She feels all of her fingertips one by one and thanks me in a more heartfelt manner than I deserve. This chokes me up a little. Small pleasures. Small gifts. Little things that matter.
At the airport, I am overcome with the same feeling I always get when I leave her. What if this is the last time we see each other? Have I made her feel loved enough? Does she know how much she matters to us?
Cassandre starts to tear up at the airport, looking at a carved stone heart "made in Utah." She wants it to remind her of this trip. To remind her of her great-grandmother. I remind her that she'll be back next month, she'll see her again soon. She nods solemnly and asks me again to please buy her the necklace. She promises to pay me back. (Who could ask for the money?)
At home Cassandre picks up the ancient candlesticks my grandfather sent to my grandmother from England right before he was shot down and killed over Germany in WWII. I am responsible for taking care of these precious memories, but I have not washed them lately and they are tarnished and dirty. Cassandre wants to clean them and together we take them apart, piece by loving piece. We wash and dry each one, noting where the silversmith has encoded "A" "B" "C" and "5" "6" "7" so we know exactly which part goes back where. Soap and water make good progress, but not enough. We buy some polish to bring the shine back.
It makes us feel connected to do this work. Hands on labor to restore some dignity to something so precious. We don't try to make it perfect, just better.
I tweeted this link yesterday about the forgiveness of a
family that lost their daughter to a car accident. http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/79698172.html?page=1&c=y Forgiveness is so crucial to healing, both for the person
wronged and the person that did the wronging. By holding on to the pain caused
by being wronged, illness is created throughout a person’s entire being—biological,
psychological, sociological, & spiritual realms. Negative energy is created
and emitted, causing further suffering and illness. As a future holistic health
practitioner and energy healer, I have learned about the necessity of positive
energy in creating and maintaining a healthy person. The only way to reverse the effects of this is to practice
radical & complete forgiveness.
However, one needs to learn how to do this. Forgiveness isn’t simply saying I
forgive you. It’s not just words. It is a process of letting go of one’s
attachment to the security of their pain. It is scary to radically and completely forgive someone
because it opens you up to be vulnerable. Many people are afraid of being hurt
again, and they believe holding on to the pain of being wronged acts as a
protective shield. However, the perceived shield only blocks healing love from
being both emitted and received. One needs to let go of their pain. One needs to let go of
their fear. One needs to learn how to do this, and there are many ways to figure
this out. I use two ways: the example of Jesus Christ as the forgiving healer
in the Gospels and mindfulness as practiced by Thich Nhat Hanh. These two have
helped me realize the healing power of forgiveness. The negative forces of
bitterness, resentment, and anger no longer bind me. If someone wrongs me, I
recall the healing power of forgiveness as explained and witnessed by Jesus. I
use mindfulness to be awake in the present, which helps me see the wronging for
what it is and the reasons for its existence. By seeing the causes and dealing
with them, I can let it all go to history, where it no longer emits negative
energy.
Dear God, the troubles of our world have left many of us speechless. We don’t know how, in the numbness around jobs lost, illnesses we don’t have the resources to cure, a planet imperiled by the accumulated effects of our greed, and the seemingly endless presence of war and violence, to say our prayers. We are lighting candles, though – in our Advent wreaths, quietly, in side chapels of our churches, in our rooms where no one else but You can see. The candle flame is our prayer, wordless but filled with meaning, with petition, hope, and faith. And the candle flame is your answer to our prayer. You lighten our darkness, O Lord. Amen
I spent the last week or so reading Thomas Merton’s No Man is an Island. Surprisingly, this has been the first Christian theological work I have read in quite a long time. I think four-plus years of Christian education helped contribute to this much-deserved break. Now, I am well rested (in a Christian theological sense) and eager to dig right in to some good stuff. To appreciate Merton’s work, I had to understand the book was written in 1955. This means I had to realize both his male-centric writing (using the word man in place of humanity) and his negativity to other religions. Merton’s theological writing is Roman Catholic, though he does not write with a dogmatic style of a canon lawyer or apologetic theologian. This book reads more like religious philosophy than theology simply because of the questions and answers it raises. Here are some ideas I found interesting. ‘We must, therefore live by the commandments and the counsels and by the Sprit of Jesus. And in order to do this we much search the Scriptures and understand the Gospels, in order to find out what Jesus is like and what His commandments are” (59). This is Christ centered thinking, unlike the Pauline emphasis often found in Christian thought today. I believe this statement is the simple Christianity that can resurrect the faith today. “All men seek peace first of all with themselves. That is necessary, because we do not naturally find rest even in our own being. We have to learn to commune with ourselves before we can communicate with other men and with God. A man who is not at peace with himself necessarily projects his interior fighting into the society of those he lives with, and spreads a contagion of conflict all around him” (121). This means we can and should heal ourselves before even attempting to offer counsel to others. If we are hurt, how can we expect to heal others? By taking care of ourselves first, we can have enough energy and attention to devote to helping others without distraction. “The arguments of religious men are so often insincere, and their insincerity is proportionate to their anger. Why do we get angry about what we believe? Because we do not really believe it. Or else what we pretend to be defending as the “truth” is really our own self-esteem. A man of sincerity is less interested in defending the truth than in stating it clearly, for he thinks that if the truth be clearly seen it can very well take care of itself” (195). This is good reading for the fundamentalist evangelicals who push their brand of Christianity as absolute truth. Many of these same people will become notably angry when pressed about their beliefs. If one believes they know the truth, they can rest easy in confidence. If you know the truth, there is no need to defend it. “Anxiety is fatal to recollection because recollection depends ultimately on faith, and anxiety eats into the heart of faith. Anxiety usually comes from strain, and strain is caused by too complete a dependence on ourselves, on our own devices, our own plans, our own idea of what we are able to do” (224). Merton talked about recollection as a “change of spiritual focus and an attuning of our whole soul to what is beyond and above us.” It is like becoming awake and practicing mindfulness, which allows us to see things as they are. A thorough understanding of Jesus’ life and teachings gives us confidence to not only shed anxiety, it allows us the peace of mind to become awake & mindful. Christians become anxious when they doubt Jesus’ life and teachings and instead turn toward the abilities of human beings (Paul, other people, or themselves) to help them.
I was tagged by arulba. She was tagged by tagged by Kay. Thanks! Summarize the Bible in five statements (fifteen words). The first statement – one word long, the second two, the third three, the fourth four and the last five words long. Or possibly you could do this in descending order. Tag five people. Comprehensive (The book is comprehensive in content and form. There are so many nooks and crannies full of meaning. Most of the literary forms are represented in the Bible.) Human made. (This cannot be emphasized enough. Despite what many have said about Divine inspiration, the Bible was written and assembled by humans, specifically men. Imperfect human beings make imperfect writings and books, and the Bible is no exception.) Remember the metaphor. (The Bible is an imperfect book written in many literary forms for many different audiences. To read it as literal truth is to ignore these realities, which is dishonest to both the book and to the person reading it. Metaphor can help us make the book relevant for our particular time, though this requires work and thought. And whenever one interprets a dream [think Revelation], metaphor is the best tool one can use to pull meaning.) Read the Gospels first. (This helps set one’s mind in a Christian sense, providing one is reading the book in that framework. Then, read the entire Old Testament straight through before reading the rest of the New Testament, starting with the book of Acts.) Paul writes letters to others. (What many Bible readers and believers should to realize is that Paul’s letters are written to a particular group of people in a particular time and place. It is important to not take these letters out of context. Many Christians believe Paul provides a practical application of the Gospel. However, Paul is actually providing his own interpretation and application of the Gospel for groups like the Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, etc. One is actually reading a one-sided conversation. For a universal message, turn back to the Gospels. Jesus’ message is simple and universal enough for one to apply without clinging to Paul’s [or anyone else's] ancient interpretation.)
I follow the Christian Post on Twitter because I like to keep up with the ideas and thinking of many Christians. Today they tweeted the following:
The amount of work in graduate school is shocking. I fancied myself as a seasoned academician and the shear volume of reading and writing has taken me by surprise. My blogging and extracurricular reading life ground to a halt. My classes end in early December and I do not have to return until February, so I’ll have plenty of time to catch up. I also learned about the Upaya Institute, a place in New Mexico that teaches caregivers and healers how to deal with death and dying. I have a belief that many people suffer from a fear of death, which then causes great suffering in their lives. I feel that some of my life’s work will be helping people work through their fear of death. I have an assignment for a foundations course that is asking me to come up with ten ways that I am going to integrate the course themes into my practice.
Cristosal Foundation
Tenth Anniversary Celebration
in El Salvador
February 19 to March 1, 2010
Dear Friends:
You are invited to participate in this trip to El Salvador which promises to be an especially rewarding experience. For many, this will be a first time trip, but for others a repeated experience. Partly pilgrimage, mission trip, and cultural encounter, our time among the people of El Salvador, and supporting the work of the Anglican/Episcopal Church there, will change your view of life in North America and your perceptions about the church’s role in the world.
You are encouraged to make your own travel arrangements to El Salvador on Friday, February 19, 2010. You will be met at the airport by representatives of Cristosal and/or the Anglican Church of El Salvador (La Iglesia Anglicana/Episcopal de El Salvador - IAES) and transported 30 minutes to the Hotel Alameda.
Our time in El Salvador will be shared with others from various parts of North America who will be present for the celebration of the tenth anniversary of the Cristosal Foundation. More on this later…
Itinerary
Saturday (February 20) will be a day for settling in and orientation. Opportunity will be available to go as a group in the afternoon to visit the tomb of Archbishop Oscar Romero. On Saturday evening, we will enjoy our first in-country meal of Salvadoran papusas.
On Sunday we will attend church at La Iglesia de San Juan Evangelista. The priest there, Rev. Luis Serrano, is a Spanish born priest who has lived and served in Central America since the early 1970s. During the civil war in El Salvador, he was imprisoned as a suspected guerrilla collaborator. In fact, he was arrested for bringing rice and beans to the 1,000+ war refugees who were sheltering within the walled compound surrounding the church. The former primate of the Anglican Church of Canada, Michael Peers, and former presiding bishop of ECUSA, Edmond Browning, visited Padre Serrano several times during his imprisonment. Padre Serrano speaks English and is a proficient artist as we will see on numerous occasions at newer churches throughout the diocese.
From Monday until Thursday (February 22-25), participants will have a choice of three activity options:
Religio-Cultural Option: Participants in this option will be introduced to the cultural history of El Salvador, go to places of religious significance such as the University of Central America where six Jesuit priests were assassinated on November 16, 1989 (almost exactly twenty years ago), celebrate mass with the inmates at the prison in the city of San Miguel, go to the Museum of the Revolution (Museo de la Revolución) located in the town of Perquin in the eastern part of the country, and make a pilgrimage to the former community of El Mozote where 1,000 people were massacred over a three day period in December of 1981. We will also visit some Anglican parishes to experience the social development work being accomplished.
Economic Option: Participants in this option will come to a better understanding of the agricultural practices that El Salvador has experienced since the arrival of Europeans in the 16th century. There will be a visit to a coffee plantation and an opportunity to see how coffee is processed for export. A significant part of the country’s income is derived from textile manufacturing plants (maquilas). We will have a chance to visit one of these factories. The diocese has developed means to foster income among the rural peasants campesinos) living in outlying parishes, and we will observe some of these projects personally.
Ecological Option: Coffee plantations throughout El Salvador are linked by green belts to ensure habitat and migratory routes for indigenous wildlife. Unfortunately, centuries of exploitation of the land has resulted in a devastated ecosystem. Those who choose the ecological option will be exposed to the realities that have resulted: risk of mudslides due to erosion, as well as depleted and contaminated soil. We will take a boat tour of a mangrove swamp where shrimp are reared and harvested. El Salvador has five active volcanoes, and we will visit El Parque Nacional Los Volcanes to climb the Izalco Volcano.
Each of these options will include at least one night away from the Hotel Alameda. It will be necessary to vacate your room at the hotel for this period.
Friday (February 26) will be a free day. Two organized electives will be available: shopping or the beach. The currency in El Salvador is the U.S. dollar. Although the cost of living is relatively high in El Salvador, a number of handcrafted items can be obtained at reasonable prices. With regard to the beaches, El Salvador is a world-renowned destination for surfing. The coast is beautiful (and quite a bit more humid than the city of San Salvador at an altitude of 684 meters), with black volcanic sand, and places available to rent surfboards or purchase inexpensive boogie boards. On this day, you will be responsible for your own lunch and dinner.
Tenth Anniversary Celebration
The weekend of February 27-28 is designated a commemoration of the tenth anniversary of the Cristosal Foundation (Fundación Cristosal). This organization, based in Vermont, serves, supports and accompanies the Anglican Church’s work in El Salvador. On Saturday, there will be a forum that will involve interaction between local agencies and North American visitors on a theme acknowledging the value of international volunteerism. The Office of the President of the Republic, Mauricio Funes, has been contacted in the hope that the president will be available to address us.
On Saturday evening there will be a celebratory banquet. On Sunday morning, we will travel to the western part of the country to a diocesan development called El Maizal. There we will enjoy a festive eucharist and the dedication of monument erected in gratitude to those who have served the church as volunteers. An al fresco lunch and soccer tournament will follow. Tours of El Maizal and the opportunity to visit private homes will be available.
On Sunday evening we will return to the Hotel Alameda in San Salvador in preparation for departure on Monday, March 1.
Accommodations
The Hotel Alameda is a secure, modest, clean hotel in the heart of the capital city of El Salvador. It boasts such amenities as electricity, hot and cold running water, and a well-maintained swimming pool. The staff is very attentive to the needs of guests. During our time at the Hotel Alameda, breakfast and most dinners will be provided there. The hotel is within walking distance (in groups) to the Diocesan Centre (Centro Diocesano), the pro cathedral Church of St. John the Evangelist (La Iglesia de San Juan Evangelista), MetroCentro which is the largest and most modern shopping mall in Central America, and via the central market to the Roman Catholic Metropolitan Cathedral which contains the tomb of Archbishop Oscar Romero. The year 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of Romero’s death.
In Preparation
The cost of the trip will be $1,495 (U.S.) plus airfare. This includes accommodation at the Hotel Alameda on the nights of February 19-28 (based on double occupancy; single rooms available at a moderate additional cost. Please inquire with Kevin Dixon if – at additional cost - you would prefer to stay at the nearby, 5 star Hotel InterContinental). Also, most meals and transportation within El Salvador are included in this price.
Registration deadline is January 15, 2010 with a non-refundable deposit of $500, payable to Cristosal Foundation, due at that time.
Good general health is required for this trip. While there is no maximum age limit, you should be prepared for some long days, extended bus journeys, lengthy walks and hikes over rough, hilly terrain. The weather will be hot and dry during February. Please inquire with your physician or other qualified medical practitioner regarding necessary immunizations and other health precautions that may be advisable.
You must have a valid passport to travel to El Salvador. Be certain that your passport expiry date is no sooner than September 1, 2010. You will be charged for a tourist visa (less than $20) upon arrival at the airport in El Salvador.
For more information about the history, culture and economics of El Salvador, visit the website of the CIA World Factbook at www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/es.html or the Canadian Foreign Affairs website at www.voyage.gc.ca. The Cristosal website is www.cristosal.org.
Recent mudslides in El Salvador
At least 150 people have died and dozens are missing after heavy rains triggered flooding and mudslides that buried communities Sunday, November 8, 2009 and left a swath of destruction in El Salvador. Another 13,680 people went to emergency shelters. Laura Mata, communications manager for World Vision in El Salvador, said 40 percent of the dead are children. The most affected departments are San Salvador, La Paz, Cuscatlan, Usulatan and San Vicente. San Vicente is the most heavily affected. The El Salvadoran government's web site states there were 108 landslides, 209 destroyed buildings and another 1,835 damaged ones. In all, 18 bridges were affected, it said. Private, government and U.N. donations have all been promised, but the needs exceed supplies, with high demand for food, construction materials, plastic sheeting, medications and clothing. Fumigation efforts were slated to begin Tuesday to reduce the chances of disease.
Excerpt from a recent email from Richard Bower, executive director of Cristosal: “I would like to share with you what IAES is doing in El Salvador, responding to the emergencies of housing, clothing and food for those whose neighborhoods have been destroyed by floods and mud slides. Yesterday I sent $3,500.00 to Martin to be of help, from special donation we have received. Episcopal Relief and Development sent $7,500, which seems a small amount for them. The church is working with other organizations to provide what is needed. The church has taken on responsibility to help 1,563 families, which include 6,747 persons. An inventory of families and needs was completed this past week. Please keep Archbishop Martín and the church in your prayers. They are working very hard.”
For more information about this trip to El Salvador, please contact Rev. Kevin Dixon at kdixon@stmaryskerrisdale.ca or call (604) 261-4228.
Please mail your completed registration form, with a $500 U.S. deposit check payable to Cristosal Foundation to:
Cristosal Tenth Anniversary Celebration
c/o Rev. Kevin Dixon
2490 W. 37th Ave.
Vancouver, BC
V6M 1P5
CANADA
One of the videos I uploaded during the Lambeth Conference, 2008 was an interview with a man in charge of the construction of an outdoor labyrinth at the University of Kent, overlooking Canterbury, and oriented towards the towers of Canterbury Cathedral.
The crew completed the labyrinth in half the time they had projected, cutting thousands of York stone blocks on site and laying them in the newly-designed labyrinth pattern, the work of Jeff Saward who drew on labyrinths from several indigenous cultures, as well as Western models like the famous labyrinth of Chartres Cathedral.
The reason for the haste in construction was so that the labyrinth would be complete before the Lambeth Conference ended. I had the privilege of taking part in a dedicatory service near the end of the Conference, meaningful to me as I have the honor of serving in the diocese that is the birth of labyrinth movement, home of the Rev. Lauren Artress and the labyrinths of Grace Cathedral.
This past summer Sheila and went back to Canterbury, to hear our friends in the Piedmont Singers from Virginia sing Evensong at the cathedral. After the mid-afternoon Evensong, there was a draught of time before we would join the singers for dinner, so we went to the university in order to walk the labyrinth.
There, on that huge, sprawling, yet beautifully ordered, organic labyrinth we saw an English woman walking a young Rhodesian Ridgeback. He was red-wheaten in color, like our beloved Blaise, who had died only a few months before after an extraordinary life of 14 years. Really, he was the most beautiful Ridgeback I have every seen, next to Blaise.
Blaise was a great being, as the “Tale of Jumping Mouse” describes a bison – great in heart, in spirit, in intelligence, and bodily strength. Diagnosed with cancer on our car trip across the country to move to San Francisco, she lived on for three years, out of love for us, I believe. Like so many people, she hung onto life because she had a mission, supporting her human family.
Nobody in our family but me liked the movie “The Jane Austen Book Club,” but I have my reasons. A central reason was that one of the characters raised Rhodesians, and in explaining about the breed to another character said, “Rhodesians are matriarchal.” Lots fell into place about Blaise and our family then. I had always seen how deeply she loved us, and anyone who spent any time with her also knew what a dominant and dominating personality she had. I finally saw that the two went together; she was mothering us all those years.
The labyrinth is, if you will, the field of our being. In it we meet, recapitulate our life journey. These meetings are not in the mode of ghostly visitations, but in the manner of anamnesis, a representing. Thus, walking the labyrinth may be an occasion of transformation, brought about by prayerfully encountering the past, learning from the past in our present, and emerging into the new life that follows.
Blaise’s great being now inheres in our family as a whole, I think. The quality of unswerving devotion and love, the mothering principle, always there among us, I can now identify, celebrate, and honor.
We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. Ephesians 4:14
The above verse came to mind as I’ve been thinking about the health care debate in this country. When the specter of socialism was invoked regarding the “public option,” its doom seemed certain. Then, almost overnight, the public option was re-branded as “Medicare:e” (Medicare for everyone), and suddenly new life was breathed into the idea.
The Ephesians verse referred to dissent and confusion in the nascent Christian movement, proving that a base in faith is no vaccine against facile currents of shifting opinion. I would like to point out, however, that while it is common to deride the massive legislative work of The Episcopal Church’s General Convention (I have heard the 300+ resolutions referred to as “so what” resolutions in the main), our deliberative process, bringing to bear passionate, expert people from many perspectives on any one issue under debate, and submitting each resolution that makes it that far in the process to the vote of the whole representative democratic body, gives us ground to stand on in areas like health care.
Due to the work of the 2009 General Convention, I am able to say, not only on my own, but on the basis of the above-mentioned legislative process, that our denomination believes there should be quality health care available for all in this country, and that at best there should be a form of what is called the “public option.” Individual Episcopalians may well differ from the substance of the relevant resolution that is the basis for the above statement, but that is understood in a denomination that has embraced a democratic process, and, further, that values the diversity of minds that make up our church.
And finally, it is most important to me that I can say, within the public debate, that our church’s stance on health care rests on our faith, our apprehension of Christ who lifts up the dignity of all people, regardless of the presence or absence of worldly markers of success.
Only a few days after I developed an extensive pulmonary embolism, I slipped out of the house, against both medical and spousal advice, and was picked up by a driver to go to City Hall and speak at a hearing of the Planning Commission in favor of a plan that would allow the rebuilding of St. Luke’s Hospital. In conversation with the driver, a man in his sixties who lives 20 miles south of San Francisco, I learned that all four of his sons had been born at St. Luke’s, and that it was a place he loved and valued.
While St. Luke’s has been a valuable asset to this man and his family, I wonder if he has access to the excellent preventative health care that I have had, that has almost undoubtedly saved my life. The Christ I encounter in the Gospels and in my prayer life would, I believe, say that by being a child of God this man was as entitled as I, a person of privilege, to excellent health care. I’m glad to be part of a church that can and does say so.
MHA
